Back to the Basics

An Amazon.com review on the remastered Star Wars saga collection, “written to” creator George Lucas.

George,

I appreciate your attempt to clean up matte lines, wonky lightsabers, and improve sound and picture quality in your Blu-ray release.

However, I don’t understand why you want to make jarring changes to your characters that make once powerful cinematic moments now creepy or distracting.

A lot of people have made the case for Han shooting first (as in the theatrical cut) in Episode IV being a much more interesting and accurate characterization, so I’m not going to touch that.

This review is going to be principally about the changes you made to scenes with me in it.

For instance, in the original cut, when I throw Emperor Palpatine down the death star’s reactor shaft, there is a moment of silent deliberation where, oscillating my expressionless masked face back and forth, I decide whether or not to sacrifice my life for the life of my son. The lack of dialogue allows the viewer to read more subtlety and indecisiveness into this act, and the silence is truer to my character’s previous dialogue in films IV-VI.

In this release, you decided to have me scream “NO! NOOOOO!” at the very beginning of the scene, removing any of the subtlety or conflict, inserting a goofy, lamely comic line not befitting of my badassness, and consequently dulling the emotional significance of a father’s redemptive sacrifice of his son.

What’s worse, you replace Sebastian Shaw’s peaceful and redeemed ghostly image on Endor with Hayden Christiansen’s garish, creepy, pedophile-like smirk.

Not only does this not make any sense, because the last time I was alive (on the Light or the Dark side) I looked like Sebastian Shaw, and Obi-Wan and Yoda’s ghosts look exactly as they did before they died… but again, Hayden’s horrible acting and the visual unevenness of the three actors blunt what could have been a great, emotionally significant scene.

The scene starts great with Mark Hamill’s excellent contemplative stare, coupled with peaceful acting from Sir Alec Guinness, but it ends with Hayden Christiansen’s disgusting smirk, ruining what was one of the emotional high points and one of the key resolutions of the trilogy.

I keep trying to Skype you – please pick up so I can force choke you and prevent you from making any more changes to your movies.

Sincerely,
Darth Vader (acting as)

If I could be the possessor of a time machine, I would go back and stop George Lucas from changing the movies or even better, prevent the script writers from including Jar Jar Binks in the prequel trilogy, just to end all of the heated, pointless online discussions and make the first film a little more likable.

Let’s go back to the Star Wars that people living in the seventies used to know. Where Han always shot first. I could care less about it all but the geek fandom tends to pay close attention to every detail in these films. That’s what makes this franchise so endearing and captivating.


In Response to the Daily Prompt: Pick-Your-Gadget

Your local electronics store has just started selling time machines, anywhere doors, and invisibility helmets. You can only afford one. Which of these do you buy, and why?

 

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Author: Macbofisbil

Welcome to "Macbofisbil: An Awesome Mind", a place where you will find all sorts of interesting stories, pictures, and advice on life in general.

5 thoughts on “Back to the Basics”

  1. You would be doing the world a great service if you did that. You should start a kickstarter fund or the like for a time machine so you can put this plan into action.

All thoughts are welcome

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