Dark Places

darkworld

Getting out of that dark place was the best thing that could have ever happened to me, because now I have a direction in life and see more and more opportunities on the horizon, whenever they become available. Always having something to look forward to everyday, whether it be writing, photography, or filmmaking, gives me a sense of purpose in life, and eases my doubts and makes me happy.

I still know a few people who are in a dark place and would greatly benefit from a helping hand and support to get them going in the right direction. The reason one of these people is in such a bad spot is because they have had an abusive childhood and were brought up with basically no love and support. Getting that much needed love and care would do wonders for this person, as she would finally see hope and light for the first time and not want to go back to living that dreary, depressing, misguided life of her past. Her abusive parents are to blame for how terrible her life has been up to now, not having a solid home to stay in, going from place to place, not knowing where she’ll end up next, a perpetual leaf in the breeze, dust blowing in the wind. Imagine not even being able to sleep in a bed, but on the cold hard floor. I wish there was something I could do about it but at this point I can only hope that she will figure it all out.

Acceptance

Advertisements

Caprice

The name might as well fit her personality: she’s full of sudden and unaccountable changes of mood or behavior, the very definition of the word. It’s a name I have never come across until I met her, first on Skype, then in real life. It’s beautiful, it’s simple, and makes me think of flowers and a tropical setting, especially when shortened to Capri, like the pants, the Italian island, and the juice concentrate drink.

Image result for isle of capri

We met on February 12th, went out on a mini date on February 14th at the Main Event center in Olathe, Kansas. It was sweet. It was fun. It was innocent. We bowled, played arcade games, including Laser Tag, air hockey, and Guitar Hero. I guess that counts as a “romantic” date since she did give me a convincing signal with the way she touch my hand and did a little dance with her fingers, me escalating the gesture, assuming that it was safe to launch things to the next level. Or maybe I’m overthinking this too much. It’s been a couple weeks now. We’ve both moved on from that initial meetup.

Then I had to leave for home on the train. I haven’t seen her since and miss her a little more everyday, because I can’t do anything about it and she’s got a lot of other guys on speed dial as is, so I’m not really that important when the long distance is easily replaced with someone else.

I truly thought we had a pact, but it turns out she’s nothing more than a used doll. Easy and manipulative. And now I’m searching once again. Maybe there’s still hope for us in the future, once she gets her life together, but counting on that is like counting on the car to start in a horror film chase.

It lasted a mere three weeks and now might as well never have existed. That Valentine’s Day card I got her doesn’t mean much now but I guess was just, for the moment, a nice gift. I guess she was going through a rough patch at the time and is now feeling pretty good now, having found another “boyfriend”, who she loves and melts for after only a few days. She’s only 19 years old and quite immature, but has the looks of a goddess. The one I wouldn’t want to get away. The one I can imagine spending the rest of my life with, those caprices set aside. We all have caprices; no one is 100% sure on anything. Ideas and priorities are always changing, dreams coming and going when other things get in the way.

She’s not perfect. I fully realize that now.

Instinct

The Quest

The turbulence was almost too much to bear. Spake pulled out the onboard oxygen mask, cupping it to his face and falling back down in his seat.

Rocking back and forth, back and forth. Walls shaking. People screaming. Children screaming.

“Hold on, everyone”, shouted the pilot over the intercom, static being produced, transmission cutting in and out. Trying to keep things under control but the aluminum tube was about to rip apart in mid-air.puuoi

Down she went, shooting down through the sky faster than a hot missile.

The plane crashed down into the Sahara desert, creating a wave of dust that stretched for miles. Flames engulfed the wreckage. Noone could have survived this. But somehow, one did.

Now Spake began his quest across the desert, looking for help, looking for anyone. Parts of the plane scattered across the arid land. Hot and dry. Sweltering heat.

Around this area was a secret facility, a place where a project was being conducted.
 

 

Get Hungry Again

Image result for hungry

 

The blogging year for me hasn’t been quite that great. I’ve posted less and have lost focus on keeping a consistent style. This stems from the fact that I have started to care less about running a blog and more about just enjoying my life as it is and feeling free to do what I want, like rediscovering the joys of watching YouTube again and playing video games. My purpose with blogging is it to simply learn how to write and express my thoughts, in ways that I have a hard time doing out loud. Sure I want to become successful at this…someday…but I don’t want it to become such a burden in my life that I have no time for anything else anymore. That is why I fallen off the pace so much because following a daily posting schedule was just proving to be too hard. But I guess I need to get motivated again in order to continue blogging with a purpose. Getting hungry again means looking down the road and figuring out my goals, whatever they may be. I don’t care if it isn’t always shiny and full of luster or that I’m hitting the right buttons each time, I just want to make sure I am still having fun and actually feeling like I have a life.

There are so many smart people in this world, many of them way smarter than I am. I am always envious to be on their level, to think and act like them, because there is something so brilliant in taking life for more than what it is.

Glitter 

Awareness

IMG_20170212_132056_332[1].jpg

I am fully aware
Of the world as it is
Ebbing and flowing
An endless pulsing current

Trying to keep up
But my feet slip up
As the crowds rush on
As the times rush on
Always on the move

Yesterday is now just a memory

Tomorrow will be something new

Aware

Going to Kansas

The train is moving again. The glorious sounds of the engine meshing with the blurring of the landscape as the Amtrak rushes, backwards from my seat position, through the countryside of Michigan, the lush forests, farms, and hills of an old land that reflects the early days of the state and even the country, when cities were few and far.

We’re packed up and ready for another trip down to Olathe, Kansas. This would be the 5th or 6th time that the family is headed down to the Heartland to see the youngest sister and her significant other, the first time being in the summer of 2014 when we visited the University of Kansas. Kansas is still quite new to us as we have only scratched the surface of it, having only been near the border cities and not into the deep part of the state.

The conductor checked my ticket again today, as he always does, scanning it and giving it back to me where I place it back in the top compartment of my luggage bag.

Because of Kansas, I get the song “Dust in the Wind” playing in my head, and eventually on my computer. It is a song symbolizing our short time on this earth, that in the end we are just made up of earth stuff, living our lives and then being recycled back into the environment, continuing the cycle. We rent a period of time here to do as much as we can, to explore and learn about our history and what is beyond our imagination. The band is actually from Topeka, Kansas and released “Dust in the Wind” in 1977. The title comes from a passage in the Bible by Ecclesiastes:

I reflected on everything that is accomplished by man on earth, and I concluded:

Everything he has accomplished is futile — like chasing the wind!

In the end, everything we do, all the money we may or may not have, doesn’t matter one little bit, because all of it doesn’t go with us. The only thing we can hold onto are our hopes and dreams and to believe that there is more to life than just living and dying.

It sure is a big break from me playing video games for many hours straight, only getting up once in a while to eat something or use the facilities. I’ve become so addicted to playing Batman: Arkham Knight, the explosive finale in the Arkham series of games. Probably one of the best games I’ve played in a while, besides Skyrim, which is why I’ve had a hard time putting it down, because there is so much to see and do. From what I know so far, near 90% completion of the game, it is the ending stories of several high profile criminals in Gotham, and they all get locked up in prison, though I’m not sure yet if they escape or get released by some outside help.

For now, I continue to listen to the train’s whistle as it rumbles down the track. The usual route is stopping in Chicago at Union Station and then taking a bus to Wisconsin, but that is not the case this time. It will be a longer train ride to Lawrence, Kansas, going through a lot of flat farmland in Illinois and Missouri. It sure is a lot better than driving down there, which is what we did the first time, staring at boring scenery for hours and hours, but I remember it fondly and cherish every moment of it.

Lush

Reflections

Image result for mirror Reflection

 

 

Would I still recognize you

Long ago turned to stone

Turned to the shadows

Of a world passed away

But you’re still there

The same face but old

Rearranged

 

 

Recognize